Louis Black on Homeland Security

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i love Louis Black.

“Homeland security is a problem. It’s a good idea, but it’s a problem because the man who runs it is Tom Ridge, and he is someone who has the leadership qualities of a gerbil. He was a part of coming up with what is known as the color coded system of security. You know, orange, and yellow, and what ever the f*** the others are. And what’s stupid about it is they have the color coding. LIKE WE’RE IN F***IN’ ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!! There’s no need for that. Because every time they tell us what the color is, then they have to f***in’ EXPLAIN it, so GET RID OF the f***in’ color! Simplify it. There should be three levels of security: ‘Jesus Christ’, ‘God damn it!’, ‘F*** ME!’”

lol ohhhhhhh

Chuck’s Cards and Expression

Hi. I know, I’ve not written in a bit. Ahhhh, changes changes…..

Brian, my business coach, says my homework assignment this week is to express myself more.  Only, I’m on a 2mth vacation from work (the core of my habitual expression the last mannnnny years) and without it, I’m not quite sure what is the next best direction for myself.

Thus, contemplative silence.

More about that later. For now, here’s this – it’s lifting my otherwise stirred spirits today.

*wink*
Gail

From Chuck Lorre – http://www.chucklorre.com/index.php?p=77

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #77

Once again, I’m sitting in an impossibly bad mood. This one’s gone beyond the normal mental stew of fear, depression and resentment, and has morphed into a nasty physical sensation encompassing my entire body. The reason for the mood is almost besides the point. To the best of my knowledge, I have no power to change the conditions which brought it about. Which leaves me where? Well, as far as I can tell, it leaves me with nothing but these ugly feelings, a desire to be free of them, and the knowledge that I have never been able to lift myself out of my emotional state through the force of my will (the force of bourbon, sure — but the force of my will, never). The only thing I have even the vaguest control over is my attitude which preceded the precipitating, bad mood-causing event. That attitude could best be described as a fiercely held conviction that people are supposed to behave in a Chuck-approved manner. When they don’t, Chuck immediately becomes the organic repository for the aforementioned bad mood. Now one might deduce that my only escape from these foul states of mind is to discard my fiercely held conviction. But to do that, I’d have to lovingly accept a world that infrequently lives up to my expectations. In other words, I’d have to be somewhat God-like (assuming an all-forgiving God). Which means that in vanity card #78 I’ll have to start working on a plan ‘B’.

I’m a Freak for Standup

I just got through watching this – twice lol

It’s is one of my favorite standup schticks – the man-fight techniques, all the stuff about his son, jesus & the vagina, and so much more….

Jo Koy – Comedy Central Presents…

enjoy

g

AFGO’s – What are they?

“Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.” Who was quoted saying this?

I like friend Miki Kashtan’s quote about AFGOs – A.F.G.O. – Another F@#$% Growth Opportunity.  I got AFGOs by the dozens!

*wink*
Gail

OmyStrangeBrain….

(Language warning – if you’re sensitive to that, don’t read further.)

I’ve got to add this, because it’s got me laughing so hard…for the zillionth time.

My brain has a strange wiring (ha! yea one of many!).

This one, in particular, means that I wind up spouting phrases that I don’t even realize aren’t real phrases – at all – until I am confused at my friends falling-over-laughing….

I’ve come to realize this particular flight of brain strangness has to do with mixing metaphors. And I spout them off without realizing what I’m saying, in all seriousness…

Then when I realize what I’ve said I can’t stop laughing.

I shared this with a friend from up NorthEast, Lee, who also got to laughing…

Hope you enjoy these (as much as I embarass myself inadvertently creating them).

Do you do this too or know someone who does??? Please add yours!! I could use more good laughs!

*shaking my head*
Gail

Gail-

OK, clearly not ready to sleep, I read the list. I am laughing my ass off. I will share this with Elizabeth, and with the circle of men I coach on Thursday nights. I have a theory that men partially live for the moments when women say stuff like this. I know I do!

My favorite is “What a pain in the bitch!”. I think I am going to associate that mentally with a funny line I synthesized recently and have enjoyed using: “I’m going to rip that guy a used asshole!”

–Lee

At 12:15 AM 9/3/2008, you wrote:

My Mixed-Metaphors-Funny-Phrases List

- in one ear and out the window
- Gravy on the cake
- Chip off the iceburg
- at the drop of a heartbeat
- which just goes to prove a point
- cowtowing behind…
- I need a crowbar upside the back of my head
- up front and personal
- throw a canary
- tiptoeing around the bush
- uninhimbered
- Back to scratch
- Frothing at the bit
- green behind the ears
- it gets under my nerves
- swallow the bullet
- the final straw that broke the camel’s back
- Fudging in the dark
- hanker down for the winter
- Shoving a 2×4 down my throat
- It throws a really dark light over the situation…
- i’m just fishing in the dark here
- don’t make me hit you upside the back of the head
- don’t bite the hand of the horse that feeds you
- pulling teeth from a mule
- put the seed in your cap and i’ll check in with you later
- everyone under the planet
- a circle of 10 support beams of light
- my monkey mind can go ape shit
- that’s a real pain in the bitch (Thank you sister Angela for this one!!! Lee said he liked this one best!)

*chuckle* Lyrics of the day

Love this.

 All U Can Eat – Ben Folds

“Son look at the people lining up for plastic
Wouldn’t you like to see them in the national geographic?
Squatting bare-assed in the dirt eating rice from a bowl
With a towel on their head and maybe a bone in their nose
See that asshole with a peace-sign on his licence plate
Giving me the finger and running me out of his lane

God made us number one because he loves us the best
Well maybe He should go bless someone else for a while, give us a rest”

Torment and Inspiration

From Chuck Lorre:

I recently spoke with a man who is tormented. He thinks he is tormented because he thinks he has a tormentor. He cannot think of a scenario wherein he leaves his tormentor and thus ends his torment. He thinks his only path to serenity is to destroy his tormentor. He thinks the appropriate weapon to accomplish this task is a lawyer. This got me to thinking that perhaps thinking was the real source of his torment. But how can that be? Don’t we value thinking? Don’t we worship great thinkers? How can this God-given gift that separates us from the animals be deemed a curse? Isn’t the alternative to thinking, stupidity? Or is there another alternative? Ask yourself this question, “When I have a good idea, do I think my way to it, or does it just hit me?” Which brings me to the theme of this vanity card (finally). I’d like to suggest that we all have inspiration at our disposal at all times. How does inspiration work? How the hell would I know? I just know it’s there. Nothing else but inspiration explains a great work of art, and nothing else but thinking could be responsible for making all those “Lethal Weapon” movies. I mentioned all this to the tormented man. I told him that perhaps he could find a solution to his troubles by quitting thinking and being open to inspiration. He said he thought I was a moron and threw his shoe at me. It just hit me.

Meaning of Success

from Chuck Lorre

“It’s strange to think of one’s life as analogous to climbing a mountain. It’s even stranger to discover, after years of striving to reach the summit, that it’s the wrong mountain. This is what happened to Dave. Dave spent twenty years climbing the wrong mountain. And yet he had to consider it time well-spent. After all, no one could have told him he was relentlessly scaling the wrong pile of dirt (not that they didn’t try). Dave had to find out for himself. Which is why, in the perverse way life happily screws with us, it turned out to be exactly the right mountain. In order to see things clearly, to understand the actuality of his existence, Dave had to crawl up a treacherous incline that only led to happiness in his poorly-formed, childish dreams. There was never an alternative mountain for ol’ Dave, because he was incapable of envisioning one. So he climbed. Until one day, he looked around and saw that he’d reached the top. The pinnacle. The apex. The place where eagles crap. And that’s when he noticed the mountain he was always meant to climb far off in the distance. And he noticed something else… everyone climbing that mountain was truly happy. So Dave did the only thing a sane man could do in his situation, he sent word to those people and told them they were on the wrong mountain.”

Happy Halloween – Gift

Ohhhhhhhhh….I love Halloween! *smiles shyly* (it’s my favorite holiday)

So to celebrate, I have two freebies for you.

The first freebie gift is purely for fun and play, if you want a silly distraction for a few minutes, click here.

The other is purely for fun and growth. For a *very* limited time, I’m offering free single-hour coaching sessions in skill development, with the understanding that I’ll be recording the call and using the material for the website. You can pick a topic, set up a time, and gain FREE TIA skills coaching in exchange for helping me produce recordings that will contribute content to the site. You even get a copy of the final recording, FREE, as a thank you for your help and for sharing your voice with the world.

Here are some sample topics you might choose from for your free session:
- Experiencing God/Divine/Expanded Peak States in 20min or less
- Reducing Stress in 3 Breaths
- Overcoming Childhood Wounds
- Simple Shadow Work
- Getting It Done – The 10MinManifestor
- Powerful Requests
- Powerful Expression
- …customized session – based on sthing you want more mastery or growth around

Simply give me a call and tell me which session you’d like and when we can schedule our call!

Happy to be sharing the play,
Warmly,
Gail
toll-free 877.535.5438

Unconventional

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
– Margaret Mead