“New” Physics + Reading List

Wow. So much to share with you and I’ve no clue where to begin, there’s so much!

So I’ll back up a step and start here:

Recently I’ve been intensely immersed in study around lots of this:

sacred geometry, physics, fractals, spirals, electromagnetics, ancient civilizations, egyptology, electricity, the physics of Isness (aka consciousness, or what our ancesters called ‘ether’), cymatics (the science of making sound visible – see also, how sound and vibration relates to the creation of form and *gasp* matter)…

…and other cool things like that…

Nothing complicated, right?

I’m finding it all very wild because I have always been interested in each of these independently, wanting to learn more, and “coincidentally” they all seem to converge at the same topic….

The topic – a unified understanding about how things work; how everything is connected together (Yes, everything.), and how “reality” relates to the transpersonal/mystical realm (in a way that can be shown mathematically!).

Here’s the list of who I’m studying:

- Nassim Haramein – see his Rogue Metaphysical Library 8hr presentation for an amazing (visual, sometimes very startling) overview
- Cymatics – I started with Evan Grant’s Ted talk and went from there to Cymascope + lots of youtube vids
- Marco Rodin, Rodin Coil, Rodin Math (I started with an intro overview here and then went on to this second introduction then lots more youtube links of coil experiments)
- Drunvalo Melchizedek’s Flower of Life Vol 1 & Flower of Life Vol 2
- and the book Physics of Love – The Ultimate Universal Laws – written by Dale pond, Edgar Cayce, John Keely, Rudolph Steiner, and Nicola Tesla for cripes sake…

It’s driving me wild with delight!

When you read these guys and listen to them, you wind up coming across the same things over and over again – platonic solids, fractals, star tetrahedrons, cubeoctahedrons, vortices and vorticular dynamics, spirals, how platonic solids (and “reality”) emerge out of a dot that emerges into 2 dots then 4 dots as a tetrahedron, and polarity, and spin, and vibration, sound….light….gravity, radiation…

When you connect the dots, it’s a short jump from there to electro-magnetics and anti-gravity propulsion and electricity generation and over unity conversations etc etc which bring me to these other 2 books:

- Paul LaViolette, PhD – Secrets of Antigravity Propoulsion
- a wacky book called “Anti-Gravity and the Unified Field” by David Hatcher Childress

I’m calling this stuff “new physics”. I don’t believe it’s new. I believe our Egyptian relatives knew it and knew how to use it. I believe bits of this knowledge are scattered across the world – in the Chinese I-Ching, in Egyptian pyramids and math, in the Bible, in Hermetics and teachings of ancient mystery schools, and so much more… But since we’ve forgotten it, I’m calling it “new” to us…”new physics”…

Anyway, I’ve been trying to connect the dots and now they’re coming faster and faster…this morning 7 “bits” came to me – each could be a separate blog post…

So then I thought I might just start uploading video and recordings sharing the stuff I’m learning …even though I don’t have it all figured out yet… I thought, “Hey, maybe some bit that I’ve made sense of will help someone else, and then maybe someone will come back to me with dots they’ve connected that would help me make sense of something I’m still not clear on yet…” etc…and it all sounded really fun…

I figure this list is as good a start as any

I’ll add links to my posts into this post as I put more up about what I’m learning and “getting in the downloads between sleep and awake”…

You have to understand – if we can understand these basic, fundamental principles, we can do wild things like:

- healing with sound
- shaping matter with vibration (sound)
- levitation (this isn’t woo woo – here’s video proof in one of Jamie’s Rodin Coil experiments)
- generating electricity out of something as simple as making sound, or breathing, or a single crank turn, or blowing on a generator that never has to be touched again once it’s started (watch the Rodin Coil vids)
- increasing our longevity
- proving, mathematically, how our thoughts actually can, in fact, impact or change the field of vibration that results in “reality” as we experience it
- show mathematically how we’re not separate from anything – and how we’re intimately entwined with and connected to and one with “God” (ether, Source, Allah, Isness, Oneness, Consciousness, whatever you want to call it)
- …and so much more!

If we can get a clear understanding of how these dots connect, it’d strengthen so much of what we do in so many fields!

Are you into this stuff too? Let’s talk!

Anyway, here’s what I think –

I think we’re entering into a new world, folks – a new age, a new perception of what we call “reality”.

To do that, for one thing, we need far, far more effective ways to release ourselves from our fears. (I offer a 5-step embodiment practice and a doc you can download free about this on ThriveDriveOnline called SORTTing It Out ™ ).

When this stuff I’m calling “new physics” comes more mainstream, those of us stuck in our habits of fear, contractions, and judgment are never going to be able to keep up. So now’s the time to free ourselves from fear, and to support each other at facing the shadows in our unspoken worlds. To shed light; to en-lighten. To Be With each other – I mean really BE WITH…and to love through everything.

I also think that if we’re going to manage entering this new era in tact, we also need more approachable ways for everyone (yes, everyone) to be able to effortlessly see everything as an entwined, interconnected, interdependent integrated system. (I offer an option for this in my work on TheIntegratedApproach, stuff you can also download free on ThriveDriveOnline, that shows a way we can see ourselves, our relationships, our organizations, our planet and the entirety of our “reality” in terms of 7 aspects). While we are each absolutely unique and separately identifiable, we are NOT separate. Now’s our opportunity to support each other to experience the freedom and liberation and peace that comes from experiencing that reality.

System-thinking takes time, and that begs for patience. Those of us so rooted in demanding sound-bytes who can’t take a deep breath, slow down, open our hearts and minds and hear complexity and heart (see also, “both/and” thinking) are going to be lost and won’t understand what’s going on. This is an invitation, in our increasingly fast lives, to train ourselves to also be capable of a longer attention span and greater patience.

Anyway, so “new physics”. Yeah….that’s what I’m up to when I’m not working on my own fears or supporting others in the personal and interpersonal and professional success stuff.

I’ll add links to the “new physics” posts here on this post as I upload them.

Love and blessings to you, dear Ones,
What an exciting time…
Gail

Surrender and The Universe

Ahhhh I’m so loving this. The Nassim study and related conversations have me down the most *delicious* rabbit holes!!

A dear friend quoted back to me a Buckminster Fuller reference to the word “Tensegrity” – well I can’t hear Bucky Fuller’s name without getting interested (I’m immediately transported back to college studying with Bucky’s friend Harold Cohen, building Bucky balls, and doing all sorts of other fun mischief related to my current work).

So I immediately had to google to find out what the heck “Tensegrity” means.

I found this quote on the Tensegrity Site:

The word ‘tensegrity’ is an invention: a contraction of ‘tensional integrity.’ Tensegrity describes a structural-relationship principle in which structural shape is guarenteed by the finitely closed, comprehensively continuous, tensional behaviors of the system and not by the discontinuous and exclusively local compressional member behaviors. Tensegrity provides the ability to yield increasingly without ultimately breaking or coming asunder

HA!!!! I’m stealing that line as my new definition for my practice of “surrender” — “Cultivating the ability to yield increasingly without ultimately breaking or coming asunder.”

HA!!! Oh that’s delicious….I love that.

Meanwhile, I also recommend the Wikipedia link on Tensegrity
in case you’re interested.

Onward down the rabbit hole! (Mischievous studies include finding tons of amazing stuff by John Quincy St. Clair that I’m now pouring through, as well as getting my hands on work by Walter Russell and Drunvalo Melchizedek. Can’t seem to ingest this stuff fast enough. Having very funky trippy dreams and meditations now too but that’s a whole other set of stories!

*playful wink*
G-g

The Physics of Consciousness

So I’ve just returned from Nassim Haramein’s Delegate program (weekend event). This, after having watched his 6hr DVD “Crossing The Event Horizon” at least 5 times and having watched the Rogue Metaphysical Library 8hr presentation at least 3 times, and after having heard his 3 hour talk in Virginia.

Honestly I was quite disappointed that I paid for (and travelled so far for) a repetition of his presentation – hearing the same talk now for the 10th time, it’s landing for me as cute-but-canned and charming-but-now-repetitive — even while Nassim himself is highly engaging, has an adorable accent, and has very sweet and endearing jokes. The good news is that I did meet some amazing folks, and he did give a few new tidbits that weren’t available elsewhere.

And I’m enjoying the core content immensely. All of this study is bringing me a kind of clarity around the connection between physics and consciousness. I already have a kind of understanding about Unified Field Theory using his work, but now I’m going to do my best to start articulating what I’m understanding (hahaha).

So here’s a journal entry I just wrote attempting that little feat. Ok, it’s a draft version. But maybe you’ll follow the vibe. Especially if you were at the conference, I’d love to hear what you get out of these notes!

With deep curiosity and
In-forming the field,
Gail

——–

How does consciousness relate to the physics of spacetime?

The structure of the universe is a liquid pool of infinite density where what we experience as “reality” and “creation” can be described simply with 3 factors:
- principles of division observable at our scale
- principles and impacts of gravity or the contracting principle
- principles and impacts of radiation or the expansive principle

Principles of the Division of Infinite Density
By what principle can we describe how the infinite density of spacetime divides itself? The universe (infinite density, the fabric of spacetime) divides itself into proportional fractals in PHI ratio octaves that we can observe and describe as in linear terms with the geometry of a 64-star-tetrahedron (cube octahedron) or that we can describe in circular terms with the geometry of the primal dot, the flower of life, or the tree of life, depending on what angle, perspective and scale of division you’re describing.

The mass of a primal dot of infinite density can be described in terms of Planc’s distance cm cubed. *** (I have the math for this but I’m not yet able to repeat it back from memory). This mass of a single primal dot, greater than all of the currently measurable mass of the universe, also obeys the conditions physicists refer to as “black holes”. Thus every point in the fabric of spacetime is a black hole with greater or lesser observable coherence in its neighborhood, depending on how fast it is spinning (which is related to the depth of stillness at the center of it). How fast it spins relates to its gravity relates to how much mass it can hold in coherence.

Principles and Impacts of Gravity
The contracting principle of the universe we call “gravity”. At all points of coherence within the fabric of spacetime there occurs a bending and a torquing of the fabric. We call this bending and torquing “gravity”, and the torque of gravity is the source of spin which we find present in all the coherent patterns we observe in our universe.

Principles of Radiation
Without gravity, there is only movement. Explosion, radiation, angular movement and momentum is determined (shaped) by “gravity”. Without sufficient gravity, coherence breaks down and composite primal dots de-form, radiating outward, recombining into other coherences. When a bit of coherent “in-formation” exists, it bends and torques space-time, thus changing movement of other primal dot coherences into the patterns of boundary conditions and orbits that we observe.

Reality – Boundary Conditions
Imagine a pool of water with a swirl of activity within it. What we recognize as ‘reality’ are swirls (shears, boundary conditions) within that pool of infinite density observable at our scale. What we see as “reality” is aspects of the fabric of spacetime (infinite density) that has spun into a coherent pattern (coherence). Another way we can refer to this infinite fabric spun into coherence is “information” – allness/nothingness “in-formation”.

The nature of how spin, gravity and radiation interact in coherent bodies within the infinite density are observable in and describable by the image of a double-torus.

Science has ineffectively attempted to describe these universal properties (spin, gravity and the resulting observable boundary conditions we call “reality”) in terms of string theory (classic physics), relativity (which forgets about torque and spin), wave dynamics, and particle dynamics (quantum mechanics).

Infinite Interconnectedness
Just as when a swirl is observable in water, and yet the swirl isn’t ACTUALLY separate from the water, we just notice the boundary conditions and call it “swirl”, so too is our spacetime fabric all connected by the “void” (pool of infinite density). Within the infinite density field (the “void”, the fabric of spacetime), all things are connected.

Infinite Instant Communication
Primal dots, as they come together in coherence patterns (in-formation) change the field. For example, we observe “gravity” and “wave patterns” (products of primal dots forming in coherence and impacting the spacetime fabric). Primal dot “in-formation” happens at (roughly?) the speed of light, which at our scale and observation threshold seems to us as “instantaneous”. Coherences of primal dots “in-formation” happen at varying speeds. For example, “light” (patterns of primal dots “in-formation” in a pattern we call “light”) happen so fast that to our scale of observation it seems apparently “instantaneous”. Other forms of communication (in-formation impacting the field) happen more slowly, like sound. Historically we have observed and described this communication in terms of waves – lightwaves, sound waves, xrays, etc.

But every primal dot communicates with all other primal dots.

Since communication about activity of every primal dot (in-formation) reaches all other primal dots, like waves in an ocean, each primal dot of the fabric of spacetime both informs, and is impacted by, every other primal dot. No activity happens in isolation – a change of activity for one primal dot changes the field and impacts all other dots. In science we observe this and call it “entanglement”. All things are connected.

Omnipresence
While every primal dot in the fabric of spacetime interacts both as “in-formation” radiating information instantaneously received by all other points of the field, each point can be described as “omnipresent”.

Omniscience
While every primal dot also receives instantaneous information (feedback in) about all other points within the field, every primal dot can be described as “omniscient”.

“God is in all things”
The totality of all omniscient, omnipresent primal dots in the total flux of creation, destruction, movement and activity (omnipotent) is what we call “consciousness” or “God”. Consciousness/God is primal dot. Primal dot is Consciousness/God. All things are made up of God/consciousness, and God/consciousness is in all things. This is the meaning of “God is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent”.

Deliberate creation
As coherent patterns of primal dot “in-formation” in the shape of human (God created man in his image), we too obey laws of the structure of the universe. We radiate information out into the field (thought waves, for example). We take in “in-formation” from our environment (food, air, feedback from our environment).

While we are capable of adding information to the field through thought, we are capable of impacting the state of what we call “reality”. This is the root of what is called “alchemy”. In today’s world, most people are not at all conscious of or developing skills to control their thought waves consistently enough to generate enough “coherence” in the fabric of spacetime such that they can create a shift in what they observe (“reality”) around them. However, there are many who are actively consciously practicing the capacity to, with more speed and less friction, deliberately generate coherence within their own field such that “reality” “shape-shifts” around them. Meanwhile, we are also impacted by the wave forms that we are immersed in: cultural thought forms, family constellation thought forms, previous habits, etc. Thus most of us are not able to instantaneously transform reality with our thoughts, because reality (and we) are still be impacted by the “in-formation” around us. To change reality on a dime takes a greater coherence of primal dots than most of us have developed skill to generate. This is useful. We lack control over what we generate in our fields; we think negative thoughts and gruesome destructive images as easily as we think creative thoughts and life-serving images. If we had the skill to generate reality-changing coherence instantaneously, we would generate undesired coherences as easily as we would generate desired ones. If we were not part of the interconnected fabric, we would instantaneously generate each and every undesired coherence that occurred to our untrained minds.

As we develop skills to control our intention, and as we train ourselves to greater and greater alchemical ability, as “man created in the image of God” we will be more and more capable of generating reality from our thoughts with less and less time and with less and less friction.(Personally, this is part of my daily practice using exercises in TheIntegratedApproach.com)

Primal dot. Fractal divisions in PHI ratio with movement, gravity, spin, and coherence. Instant communication of “in-formation” across all primal dots. Our ability (or lack of training) to connect to that “in-formation” and contribute to it.

This is the physics of consciousness.

Nassim Quote

I’m in the middle of a Nassim Haramein weekend, and took this quote out of my notes…

What fun!!
Gail

“When you explore your center, you’re exploring infinite gravity. You’re going toward singularity, infinite potential, the force that holds your existence (all the information that you are) in a coherent pattern in one specific instance of spacetime that you call yourself. That [gravity] is the force that supports everything you do, all that coalescences experience. This is your link – that supports all you do.
This is your link to infinite existence, infinite density. It’s the gravitational force toward infinite density that centers you.”

– Nassim Haramein, square brackets added

Cymatics – Sound –> Matter = Creation?

Hey y’all – How are you?

Check this out!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stfIjObFZYU

I started getting interested in this after watching a Ted.com video on Cymatics – and how it was totally intertwining with my Nassim Harrimein contemplations …which btw is also integrating with what I’m learning about Rogue Waves (the way waves can come together to spontaneously create single, unexpected, ginormous waves….and wondering how that could be applied with sound…and how that could then become an engine/energy source…

Anyway I’m TOTALLY Intrigued by the subject of Cymatics. I also notice this happens in a 2D context (sand on a plate) – what would it look like in 3D space???

Could we learn ways to play with sound in ways that literally transform physical matter?

What do you think of all this??

Curious,
G

Dissolving into Isness

I’m hanging out a bit with the Deida community again.  On a post there I wrote this quote, and it was quoted back to me as being helpful, so I thought I’d share it here.  It’s a part of my regular practice:

I ask myself, “What’s left in me when activism/action, surrender/release to God, and distraction are no longer options?”

It leaves me burning in the fire. It leaves me grieving. And when the full grief and the fire finally dissolve, i’m left….Open beyond myself…

Help! Classical Music Compliation?

Hi again

Do you like classical music? Can you help me find this collection?

Until three weeks ago I couldn’t name classical composers by hearing a particular piece. Can you?

Anyway, three weeks ago is when I found these GREAT links on YouTube:

Great Classical Music Composers
Part 1 -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-LK-7pluQA&feature=related
Part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ee8F3olCLM&feature=related
Part 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjrN8mN6kj0&feature=related
Part 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULseDit9xM4
Part 5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxGfjbx_UIk&feature=related
Part 6
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wr44p1d38eU&feature=related
Part 7
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5k1D89DV1M0&feature=related

Now I have a list of items I want, but no idea where to find a single compilation that has them!

Do you know where I could get these pieces in one compilation?
Curious,
Gail

Johann Pachelbel – Canon in D
Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1
Bach Toccata and Fugue in D Minor
Bach – Air
Mozart Kaleidoscop
Rossini – William Tell overture
Ravel – Bolero
Beethoven – Symphony #5 in C Minor
Beethoven – Fur Elise
Beethoven – Symphony #5 in D Minor
Rossini – Barber of Seville Overture
Rossini – Barber of Seville Largo Al Factotum
Vivaldi – The Four Seasons “spring” – Allegro
Handel – Water Music – Hornpipe
Bach – Cantana #147 – Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring
Bach – Suite for Orchestra #3 in D Major Air on the G String
Haydn – Symphony No 94 Surprise Movement II
Boccherini – Minuet
Mozart – Sonata in A Rondo Alla Turea
Mozart – Piano Concerto No 21 Andante
Mozart – The Marriage of Figaro – Overture
Mozart – Eine Kleine Nachtmusik Movement I
Mozart – Symphony No 40 Movement I
Mendelssohn – Midsummer Night’s Dream – Wedding March
Wagner – Lohengrin – Bridal Chorus
Chopin – Fantasie Impromptu
Chopin – Minute Waltz
Ambroise Thomas – Raymond – Overture
Liszt – Hungarian Rhapsody No 2
Liszt – Liebestraum No 3
Wagner – Die Walkure: Ride of the Valkyries
Verdi – Rigoletto – La Donna E’ Mobile
Verdi – Il Trovatore – Anvil Chorus
Verdi – Aida – Grand March
Gounod – Funeral March for a Marionette
Offenbach – Orpheus in Hades
Suppe – Poet and Peasant
Strauss – Blue Danube Waltz
Strauss – Tales from Vienna Woods
Borodin – Prince Igor – Polovtsian Dance No. 17
Brahms – Hungarian Dance No 5
Camille Saint-Saens – Dance Macabre
Camille Saint-Saens – The Swan from the Carnival of the Animals
Leo Delibes – Lakme’ – Flower Duet
Bizet – Carmen – Habanera
Bizet – Carmen – Toreador Song
Mussorgsky – Night on Bald Mountain
Tchaikovsky – Romeo & Juliet (I hate it, but I know it)
Tchaikovsky – Piano Concerto No.1
Tchaikovsky – Swan Lake
Tchaikovsky – 1812 Overture
Tchaikovsky – Sleeping Beauty
Tchaikovsky – The Nutcracker – Waltz of the Flowers
Dvorak – Symphony No 9 New World
Dvorak – Humoresque in G-flat Major
Massenet – Thais – Meditation
Grieg – Piano Concerto in A Minor
Grieg – Peer Gynt Suite No 1 – Morning
Grieg – Peer Gynt Suite No 1 – Anitra’s Dance
Rimsky-Korsakov – Flight of the Bumblebee
Faure’ – Pavane
Sousa – Semper Fidelis (don’t like, but know it)
Sousa – Stars and Stripes Forever (don’t like, but know it)
Elgar – Pomp and Circumstance (don’t like, but know it)
Debussy – Claire De Lune
Debussy – Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun
Mascagni – Cavalleria Rusticana – Intermezzo
Strauss – Also Sprach Zarathustra
Dukas – The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Erik Satie – Gymnopedie No 1
Satie – Gnossienne No 1
Williams – Fantasia on “Greensleeves”
Rachmaninoff – Piano Concerto No 2
Rachmaninoff – Symphony No 2
Rachmaninoff – Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini
Prokofiev – Romeo and Juliet – Montagues and Capulets
Orff – Carmina Burana – O Fortuna
Copland – Appalachian Spring
Chopin – nocturn #2 in e-flat major

I Need Book Recommendations!!!!

Hey!

I’m looking for my next good book read…

Based on this list, could you tell me 2 or 3 other books you think I’d like?

• Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein
• Sidhartha and Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse
• Skinny Legs and All by Tom Robbins (everything by him)
• Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaarder
• Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach (everything by him)
• The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
• Celestine Prophesy by James Redfield

What do you think I should read next that you think I’ll enjoy?

Just click “comment” and tell me what you think.

???
Gail

Triad 3 – Strife and Loneliness

Here’s the 3rd part.

But I realize there’s a snippet missing – the one about “Love/Strife”.

Here’s a bit about it:

In the book Reality by Peter Kingsley, he talks about how history has been twisted by thousands of years of misinterpretation of our “philosophical fathers”, specifically, Parmenides.

For example, according to Peter Kingsley, Parmenides was misquoted to say “judge by reason”, when the original Greek, “krinai logoi”, logoi didn’t refer to reason, or thinking at all. Rather, says PK, if we take context and culture and meaning of the time this phrase was written, it was written by a man with a deep, intimate connection to the nature of “thumos”, meaning “the raw energy of life itself”….a man who actively practiced “incubation”, a practice of isolating oneself in total motionless stillness for days, a practice which would give rise to a silence in the mind, and open into an entire other state of awareness, called “hesychia”, from within which divine inspirations and awakenings and teachings arose…a man who refers to himself in his poem (through the voice of the goddess) as “kouros”, a word not only meaning ‘boy’, but also representing a tradition including “Iatromantis” – healer-prophets – where even the word “prophet” meant different than it does now – nothing to do with future-sight but everything to do with “someone whose job is to speak on behalf of a greater power”… So this “kouros”, in referring to “logoi”, didn’t mean “thinking” at all, but rather, that place of stillness (hesychia) and the teachings from within it. According to PK, the “Judge by reason” which has been the root of all thought for thousands of years, was a grave mistake – “The Greek text as it has been handed down to us is wrong” (p134). Parmenides didn’t mean “judge by logic”, but rather “discern with your hesychia” – PK says, “And this is what logic once used to be. It was a fine, fine thread connecting us with another world: a gift from the gods, a magical lure drawing us into oneness.”

As if that wasn’t enough to rock my world over Christmas, revealing to me that my own inclinations, my own intuitions, may have come to me by pure genetic hard-coding, that the very practice I had been in that two weeks was reminiscent of my ancestors practices, and the voice that’s guided and driven me for so long was one my ancestors were intimately aware of, intimately engaged with…

As if that wasn’t enough, then there was another mindblower (among many PK offers).

This was about the true face of Aphrodite – Love – in his poem. According to PK, we have misinterpreted “Love” as the good-guy, and “Strife” (death, separation, the separate / oneness that is the state of non-duality) as the bad-guy to be avoided — when in fact it is the reverse (if we’re going to play games of good and bad) — that Love is the illusion that lures us, keeps us blinded into the illusion of non-duality…that even as we reach for communion with other, reach for love, we are reinforcing the false limitation-of-perception that says that we are separate, that we are incomplete, in need of other, thus roots our perception into a state of believing this dual realm Is Real…that in fact Strife, Death, is a return to our origin, our original state of non-dual, of oneness with the Infinite Omniscient Omnipresent… That in this manifest realm, “everything is a dream”, and that our true return “home” is thru Strife, death, returning from the blissful deceptive illusion of love and duality and the physical world, returning back again to the non-dual, the oneness. Strife is the good-guy, the Origin, the Source….Love is the illusion we CHOSE to crate, chose to buy into, so that we could enjoy Experience. The eyeball can’t see itself, so if you’re omniscient / omnipresent / infinite, there is no such thing as Love, because there is no other, and there is no contrast. Love is the force that keeps us in “forgetting” who we most deeply Are. “Love traps the soul while Strife sets it free.” (p409). This reminds me of David Deida’s teachings on the duality in the physical realm of Love and Freedom. But I digress.

So now you have an insight into the context, in my core, the context of “Love and Strife” that will make this next third of the triad make more sense.

I’ll call this entry – Loneliness

—————–
So – I had a nightmare about Grady being dead; woke feeling so lonely, so devistatingly lonely

and suddenly i remember….”love/strife”….”the sandbox”….
and while i’m crying i chuckle – isn’t this grief quaint…

“then, connecting with the loneliness of it….i had a sudden ‘epiphany’ about ‘lonely’ not as a bodymind trauma, but as THE ORIGINAL soul-level trauma.”

here’s what i mean

i’d previously had an ‘insight’ about how ’separation’ was a early
soul-level trauma. the experience of being separate from Infinite Creation,
the frustration of living in a realm that doesn’t create as instantaneously
as Source, that moves more slowly, that takes time to click peices into
place

i’d previously come to terms with the ‘black paint’ entry – the ‘good enough’ -the nature of this realm – flawed by design – there’d be no mutation if not for dna enzymes selecting ‘good enough’ – if it did perfect reproduction, we’d never change, never evolve, there’d be no anomolies available for new outcomes to emerge. the nature of this realm is imperfect. i came into contact with the part of me that had a bodymind subtle-belief i’d been carrying for lifetimes about ‘trying to get it right’, when ‘by design this land isn’t capable of ‘right’, it’s the nature of duality for there to be flaws, to have it all go wrong – that’s WHAT WE CAME here for – imperfect so that we could see ourselves – duality IS the original manifestation of imperfect, where perfect is omnicient/infinite/omnipresent – unable to see itself, to experience and i came to terms with the invitation in this bodymind experience to do imperfect as an act of play in the sandbox – do as best as i can with what i have. to remember that this realm was for play, for experiencing, and to remember not to take the sandcastle making so seriously.

then i woke from this grady dream and i felt – so so so crushingly lonely in the world. so crushingly lonely. then i remembered Peter Kingsley’s ideas around love (coming together, communion, the act of duality) and strife (aloneness, death, stillness) – where he tries to get us to see his sense of the original meaninig in Parmenides writing – which is that strife is really not the ‘bad guy’ to be avoided, but the original source, the ultimate destination, the truth that LoveAsIllusion attempts to obscure, that Love deceives us into forgetting.

and in putting 2 and 2 together i realized – THIS IS the original soul level trauma. If what I knew before (that separation / slow creation frustration is an early-soul trauma), i suddenly saw that this loneliness isn’t a bodymind trauma, but an “Original Sin” – the original soul trauma. It goes like this:

As Source we feel alone – as everything, as infinite, as omnicience,
we know everything, remember everything, so there’s no way to
see ourselves, b/c there is nothing outside of Self to witness Me.
There’s also no way to enjoy Joy, the joy of experience,
or experiencinig a part of Experience, because there is no way
to experience ‘a part’ without remembering the whole.
Thus there is only stillness.

So for the joy of feeling ‘a part’, for the joy of being able to forget
Me As All so that a part of me can see Me, I chose duality. I
chose to Be A Part (to be apart) (to split off into non-omniscient
parts).

Then, here as bodymind, i forget who I Am. And in this forgetting,
I feel lonely, and in this forgetting, I reach for love and communion
- a kind of call to restore to the Oneness that I am – a natural
outcome of the choice to be apart / a part. And in the longing for
communion – Love – i remain rooted in this illusion, this apartness.
it’s the very quest of seeking communion with something else
that is the making of me not whole, not full, not Allness. Love is
the very force that makes manifest reality possible. She is the
very sorceress of this Realm. The paradox is that here in this
Realm where we are all “companioned” as dual beings, we are
lonely.

Then as spiritually awake ones we remember – ah, i find my
sense of “un-lonely” again when i remember who I Am. When I
tune into Me as Infinite Self – i’m not lonely anymore. How can I
be lonely when I Am All Things? When I Am Everything? So as
bodymind I rediscover my unlonely through remembering Me as
Infinite Self. I have access to all. What is there to feel lonely
about?

But then it hit me -

How could I feel alone when I am infinite?
I – infinite – is precisely WHY I feel alone. I Am.
(I am alone + I Am All Things = nondual = singular = Alone!!)

Then, as my journal entry invites, I turned the experience of
lonely back onto Self, looking thru bodymind eyes of lonely,
back to the Self As Lone-ness, As Singularity, seeing the
original “sin” of Original Aloneness Perceiving infinite nonduality.

Lonely seeing Original Loneliness.

and suddenly i felt absolutely calm.

From here, noticing my bodymind experiencing lonely is kind of
funny – it’s the Infinite Joke – strife isn’t a bad thing (but loneliness
feels bad). Strife is the return to Source of Who I Most Deeply Am.
My quest for communion in my loneliness isn’t the sweet
resolution love paints it to be. Love is the very artist creating this
experience of the non-dual world – the very jailer who keeps me
bound in the cycle of seeking another – the very warden who
constructs for me the emotional jail of the illusion that i am
separate and that communing with another will fill me. Commun-
ion with another wont fill me, first b/c this whole realm is an
illusion, and second because the nature of who I am as nondual
IS STRIFE, IS ALONE, IS SINGULAR / EVERYTHINGness. There’s
no escaping it at the deepest level because it Is who I Most
Deeply Am.

“first i had a grady dream, woke crying…”
“then, connecting with the loneliness of it….i had a sudden ‘epiphany’ about ‘lonely’ not as a bodymind trauma, but as THE ORIGINAL soul-level trauma.”

————
we’re destined to feel lonely because that Is who We Most Deeply Are.
there are 2 things we can do with it -
we can buy into The Realm Illusion,
we can choose to forget who We Are, and we can buy into Love -
seeking after love, communion, another to be together with.
and we’ll find moments of respite, maybe even years of it
and we’ll be together with other and remember we’re still lonely
no one will ever fulfill that void, because Void Is Who We Are.
but we can enjoy the illusion and forget for a while if we want.
and enjoy Love.
or we can turn consciousness back onto itself,
finding stillness and peace by being with the Strife that Is.
the nature of Oneness is Singularity – Aloneness.
there’s no escaping it except by forgetting
and in this ultimate remembering, we have a possibility of grays -
we are never alone b/c we are Infinite
we are always alone b/c we are Infinite
we can find Love therefore we’re never doomed to be alone
we’re always alone because the Realm within which love lives,
is just an illusion, and Love is the maker that keeps us here.

My lonliness in the world isn’t a bodymind trauma -
It’s the nature of My Very Soul, Essence.

When I’m feeling the most desperately lonely, I’m not crazy – I’m connected to the experience of Godforce.